Oh, Texas…Red State Shows How to Best Serve Revenge…with Cockroaches

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Valentine’s Day may be the holiday for lovers, but what about those who are single? It’s hard to be single when everything seems to be geared toward couples. Forget about hearts and Cupid’s arrow.

The San Antonio Zoo in Texas has a treat that’s designed for those who have had their hearts smashed: cockroaches.

Nothing says revenge like feeding a cockroach named after your ex to an animal at the zoo.

For only $5, those who have been scorned by love can name a cockroach after their ex. Then, it will be fed to a mammal, bird, or reptile at the zoo.

It’s an amazing way to support the zoo while also seeking revenge.

Not everyone is in love on Valentine’s Day, so this gives the single people something to have fun with. It’s a chance to get even with the person who was the heartbreaker. Whether they lied, cheated, or simply didn’t show enough passion, they can finally get what’s coming to them.

While some put the belongings of an ex into a bonfire as a way to be released from all of the hurt and heartbreak, others can choose to watch a cockroach be fed to an animal – with that cockroach sharing the same name.

Cockroaches aren’t the only tool to be used to seek revenge.

For those who believe that revenge is a dish best served cold, the San Antonio Zoo takes it a step further by serving it up frozen. Frozen rats are offered at $20 more – making it possible to feed a rat with an ex’s name to one of the reptilians at the zoo.

Vegetarians who have been scorned by exes also have lettuce and other leafy greens that can be fed to some of the vegetarian animals at the zoo. While it may not be as fun to name an ex after a head of Romaine, there’s still satisfaction in knowing that it is cathartic.

The fundraising event, creatively named “Cry Me a Cockroach” is in its second year. The zoo will even live stream the feeding frenzy, ensuring that people from all over the country can participate in this fun and revenge-filled treat on February 14.

The San Antonio Zoo uses this event as one of its major fundraisers. Since it’s been so popular, it’s likely to be continued for many years to come.

The El Paso Zoo has held a similar event, though it is free. People are still encouraged to make donations, and there’s no way of identifying whether you want a cockroach, a frozen rat, or greens.

Psychologists around the globe agree that it is cathartic to deal with an ex. Regardless of the relationship, whether it was dating, an engagement, or even a marriage, many people struggle with closure. Not everyone can have “the talk.” Even when there is a talk, people find that they feel scorned.

Being able to move on is healthy. Leave it to Texans to figure out the perfect way to move on. Just name something that will be fed to an animal after your ex. As that ex-named bug or rat or wilted piece of lettuce is consumed, so are all of the haunting thoughts of the relationship. It’s soothing, even if it’s in the most un-Cupid way possible.

Although the concept is designed for the brokenhearted to exact revenge on their exes, you know that a few Republicans won’t be able to help themselves. Perhaps the zoo can amuse us all after Valentine’s Day by identifying just how many cockroaches were named Joe and Kamala as they met their untimely demise.

Who knows…maybe someone will even be able to find love by next Valentine’s Day once they’ve had this experience? After all, everyone deserves the chance to name a cockroach after an ex at least once in their lives. And the San Antonio Zoo will be happy to make that happen for only $5.

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